I made the call...

And admitted that I'm dealing with bad PPD and anxiety. There isn't much to say in this post I suppose. Only that I haven't felt like myself for weeks. And that the burden of taking everything in stride for the last 4 years is finally breaking me down.

I am not the wife I want to be.

I am not the mother I want to be.

I am not the daughter I want to be.

I am not the friend I want to be.

And if I'm brutally honest with myself, I have had these feelings, at various levels of intensity, for a lot of my life.

Every person I spoke to this morning had no tone of arrogance, or annoyance. Only caring, and loving advice, and guidance. I have an appointment set up for next week. I feel pretty relieved, I guess, that I'm at least acknowledging things. And these are all steps, forward moving steps. I never want the boys to remember me as I feel now.

And in support of World Breastfeeding Week, I found this quote on Kellymom.com. I love Dr. Hale, and swear one of these days I'll be able to afford his book. But this sums it up perfectly, for any woman holding back, or worrying that she won't be able to continue breastfeeding, you can.

"Finally, Dr. Hale concluded his talk by saying that breastfeeding should be supported fully and not interrupted by mom's needs for medication; and that treatment of postpartum depression can be accomplished relatively safely in breastfeeding mothers. So, in his consideration, moms should continue breastfeeding and should get drug treatment as needed for depression."

More on this journey next week...xo.