And in the spirit of Father's

Dad's get involved!

One of things I love most about my husband is that he totally and completely shares my passion for birth. Most times, when he hears of a c-section, he will relay back to me that it seemed unnecessary, too many interventions, more support was needed, etc. I'm so impressed that he is able to think this way. And to not cower to doctors and allow them to scare him.

Our first birth experience, with Jack, was really dramatically different from Leo's birth. Chris and I were both young and endured throughout my entire labor and delivery, jokes about how we looked like children, and how it was so funny to see two children have a baby. You can't understand how demoralizing this can be while in the process of birth. But it was Chris, with the help of our doula, that made sure none of that noise made it into my space. Quiet whispers, soaking wet in the shower with me, only allowing me to hear over and over how much I was loved and how proud he was.

For how strong I am, and how passionate I am in regards to birth, when it is me in that room, I look to him. I read his face for reactions to what doctor's or midwives or nurses say. I trust him to take care of me, to speak for me, to allow me to totally melt into my own rhythm and not worry about the outside world.

It's actually quite sad, how many fathers I see on those pathetic shows like A Baby Story, who wilt the moment the doctor utters that the woman is not following their schedule. Not laboring fast enough, dilating efficiently, and they just sit there. Nod their heads. And a quiet, timid, this is what's best hunny, I guess, if the doctor says so.

Perhaps I should send Chris out into the world to teach other fathers.


I have two pictures that might be my favorites of Chris in regards to the births of our sons. One is from Jack's birth. I am laying on the table on my back, and Jack is crowning. Chris is up by my head with the biggest smile I have ever seen. He says he was laughing because he was so in awe of me, my abilities, and that he was there to witness it. The other picture is after Leo was born, the moment I scooped him up into my arms. Chris has his arms wrapped around the both of us, tears in his eyes. A birth, he says, more beautiful and perfect than he ever could have imagined. Now who would want to miss out on that??

What the hell happened??

If anyone is curious as to where I've been, let me tell you.

My husband has rejoined the ranks of the working man. Jack wasted no time in telling me that it was strange that Daddy was not there to make him lunch after school, or around in the morning to wipe his ass. I kid you not. I endured a good 20 minute tantrum concerning the fact that it seemed unacceptable that Jack was stuck with me, wiping his ass. May I please add this to the list of shining moments in parenthood?

But in all seriousness, Chris is done with school. He finished on June 3, with amazing grades, and glowing reviews from all his teachers. Unfortunately, with a poor track record, I had little faith in Chris' ability to find a job, which is admittedly sad. One day I stumbled upon a piece of paper, 8x11, that had been folded into a square in his pocket. It was filled with the names of electrical companies. When I inquired about the piece of paper, he said he was carrying it around to remind himself of all the places he had sent his resume/called/attempted to contact. Holy shit, was my husband actually doing all this without any nagging? As it turns out, one of my internet friends happens to have a dad who owns an electrical supply warehouse down on the cape. Long story short, it connected Chris to a job. And we don't even care that he has to work practically in RI.

And just when we thought things could not get any better, a solar company that Chris sent his resume to called him for an interview. The results of said interview, which by the way went better than Chris could have dreamed, are still pending.

This puts me back at full time mom of two. Something I actually hadn't had to do on my own since Leo was born. Wow, it's hard. On my list of things to survive motherhood of two is a coffee maker.

As exciting as all this is, it's hard to make the emotional switch from "constant worry, anxiety and fear" to "cautiously optimistic and, dare I say, happy" I looked at Chris the other day and just said "wow, you're an electrician, I mean, forever" it only took him 25 years to discover something that he likes to do that requires little to no nagging from anyone.

And if not here, then where? I need to be selfish. And say that I feel I've gotten lost in the shuffle a bit. Yes, Chris made a tremendous come-back from the shit storm that was UPS, but I suppose I wish more credit was noted for my constant support, stand by your man shit. Anyone who knows Chris knows that he's pretty much the sweetest, kindest guy you'll ever come across, but to get him to do almost anything, is sometimes comparable to pulling teeth out one's own head.

Alas, we're at the finish line, or I suppose the starting line. Now that Chris is more or less situated in his own profession, I hope it can be time for me to focus more on my own professional life.

And hey, it's not so bad that my husband comes home all sexy and dirty like some big strong construction dude, right?? You better watch out, because when we have our own house, we are going to have killer lighting, perfect for every mood.

Yes, I read The Royal Gazette of Bermuda...so?!

I love finding articles that help explain exactly what a doula is. This makes me want to move to Bermuda!

Doulas Make a Difference

Do you have a Mizuko?

I was just e-mailing with a friend, and the subject of miscarriage came up. I remembered, vaguely, an article my sister had pointed me towards after my first loss. This article really touched me so deeply, and I remember reading it through teary eyes.

In digging through my e-mail, I was able to find it again. Both my boys have changed my life in ways I never thought possible, or necessary. I really and truly think Leo was guided to me. This is a strange feeling for someone like myself, who doesn't believe in much outside of this bizarre planet.

Again, in hopes that some other woman, heartbroken, may find comfort, or solace, in this article.

Peggy Orenstein article

And now, a special announcement

My personal feelings, as a woman and a doula, are that every woman should absolutely be the one who is making the decisions when it comes to how they birth their child. I do not feel that they should be intimidated by doctors who use big words as scare tactics to achieve their own agenda, which on any given day may include getting home in time to go golfing.

I'm realistic in my practice, and know that not every woman wants to have the amazing medication free water birth that I had. I know that not every woman wants to experience the pain of childbirth, or the exhileration of natural birth. Some women want epidurals and that's ok, some women don't want to try for a V-BAC, and that's ok, some women don't want a homebirth, or to breastfeed, or to go to a birth center, and all of these choices are ok. What I do not think is ok, is that women are being forced into situations that they don't feel comfortable with. It's not ok to lead a woman to distrust her body. And so it is imperitive that we give the choice back to the mother.

This means making all choices viable. Including homebirth. If you have birthed with a midwife, or birthed in a setting other than the typical hospital/OB scenario, your voice is strong and valuable. Take the time to write your story here. Maternity care is an important part of health care reform, and it needs help, your help.

*steps off soap box, tips hat to Maria Dolorico*

My green mission presses onward

I am pretty determined to be as green as I possibly can. When I was at the Partner's Conference, Maria mentioned in passing that she uses cloth wipes. I admit for a moment I thought she was totally insane. Ok, fine, more than a moment. But then another friend of mine mentioned it too. And one night, as I was changing Leo, I put the wipe in the diaper. It hit me, the extra step I always have to take to throw out the wipes, which is especially disgusting if they're covered in shit and it smears all over my trash can. How much easier it would be if I could just put the wipe in the diaper, and throw it all in the laundry.

My goal is to purchase as few things as possible that just eventually end up back in the trash.

So, I went to Fabric Corner and got 2 yards of fabric. At first, I wasn't sure if that would be enough, but as I started cutting them, I realize I will never have to buy wipes again!

I started using the 8x4 size, but I think will use the 8x8 size. By the time I get the wipes sewn together and cut off the extra on the sides, the wipes ended up being pretty narrow. Definitely still usable. The 8x8 would for sure be better with a messy poop.



Feel intimidated by the process of making your own wipes? I found, through the help of a friend, two websites that are really great. One about making your own wipes, the other, about making your own wipe solution. I decided to try the Aloe one, and will report back the results. See my side bar for these links.

Now, if only I can figure out how to get a better grip on working the sewing machine...