A conversation with Jack

"You know Mommy, my penguin friend has a baby brother, and he has teeth! Actually, she has two babies, one is a girl and one is a boy."

So, Jack talks about his penguin friend pretty regularly, so I thought I'd do a Q&A to learn more about this friend. I encourage all parents to do these kinds of interviews, because they end up being pretty interesting and hilarious.

Where does your penguin friend live? In Hawaii
How old is your penguin friend? She's 5
Does she have a name? Yea
What is it? Her name is Breezette
Who does she live with? She has a orange house and she has ping pong there.
What's your favorite thing to do with your penguin friend? We love to go on walks and sometimes I take my Mahni stroller to her house. And she has a stuffed animal we can bring and her name is Ella. The stuffed animal is.
What's your penguin friend's favorite color? Black and Blue
What's your penguin friend's favorite thing to eat? Pesto Pasta
Does your penguin friend like music? Yes
What kind of music? It's called Ella the Elephant.
How do you go visit your penguin friend? I take a airplane. The trip is probably like 3 minutes. It's a different Hawaii, it's not so far, it's kind of close far.
What's her favorite thing to wear? A polka dotted skirt. And she has an orange shirt that goes with it. And the skirt is blue.
What's her favorite game? Her favorite game is go fish. And her favorite ball game is football.
What kind of house does she live in? She lives in, it's called owai. It's an orange kind of house. It's made out of metal. It's shaped like a rectangle.
What's her favorite musical instrument? The Piano. She loves to play the Piano.
What's her favorite drink? She likes to drink. She likes to drink pink latte's.
What does she like to sleep with at night? She sleeps with a blanket with toothbrushes and robots on it. It's a quilt.
Is there anything else you want to tell me about your penguin friend? She loves to go on hikes. She loves to play video games. Video games are kinda like you're a box. And her favorite animal is a lizard and a flamingo. Two favorite animals. I forgot something else. She likes to play the tuba.

I love this kid. If I was talented enough, I would turn this stuff into children's books!

For the love of Cloth!!!

I have to link this: heads up cloth lovers!

I love this blog, mostly because she created the diapers I use, so I find a lot of her BG tips to be really helpful.





Really, this is just a moment for me to cheer lead for cloth. It's funny that I noticed this post after attending a bridal shower yesterday. Of course at some point I had to change Leo and so I removed his bumGenius and put him in a KP. And all the little ladies were shocked and amazed by how easy cloth had become. No pins and no diaper services necessary. Everything pretty compact and easy to deal with. Lastly, they could not get over how cute cloth diapers have become.

"It can become an addiction if you have the money for it!" I laughed.

Well, in regards to the blog post I linked, I use cloth because it saves me money and it's better for the environment and it happens to leave my baby's ass rash free. Pretty good deal, don't you think?

Wait a minute, did that just happen?

I admit that I've been ignoring a very large part of who I have become. The doula in me has been stifled over the past year. When I had the two miscarriages I just felt like I could not be around a pregnant woman, let alone support her adequately through labor and delivery. After having Leo and having my amazing, out of this world, water birth, all those feelings came rushing back to me. The passion was reignited.







Susan offered to bring me to the Partners in Perinatal Health conference, despite my not being able to afford it at all. It amazes me that I have friends like this now. I admit there was a time where I thought I was doomed to suffer alone with no interesting women, mothers, friends. So I found a way to make it work and off Maria and I went to Marlborough with babies in tow. And it was so incredible. For the last two years I have spoken with various women in the birth community through my online groups, but to put faces to the names was pretty wonderful. Of course there were two highlights that shone above the rest. One was hearing Ina May Gaskin speak. I felt like a total groupie, hoping she'd bump into me or comment on how darling Leo was. Instead, one better happened! As I was lying down eating lunch and nursing Leo a woman came in asking if anyone had a digital camera (I did!) and if anyone would be willing to have pictures taken of them side lying for Ina May's breastfeeding book. ME! I can't imagine that I'd actually end up in the book, but even the possibility is so exciting. I have an e-mail in my inbox from Ina May!!





And the second highlight was being featured in Susan's workshop.

She had asked if I would mind giving her some photos from Leo's birth that would help illustrate some points in her workshop. And of course for Susan I will do mostly anything. I didn't realize how emotional it would be to see the pictures up there. I don't think I can thank Susan enough, though I've tried, for helping me achieve the birth I had dreamed of. And I know I've said it before, but my birth experience was so incredibly healing. So anyway, to see it there as an example was pretty powerful. Not to mention all the women coming up to me telling me how beautiful Leo is and what an amazing birth it looked like.

Well, the 2nd, and final, day came to an end (the babies declared it so) and I headed out and back home. Chris was working and I was on my own with the two boys, more than utterly exhausted and emotionally fried. I felt much like I did after my doula workshop. Ripped from my safe community where emotional things are being thrust around like the little balls inside a lottery machine.

I can't wait for next year.

The Best Stuff On Earth Just Got Better

Am I alone? In thinking that my darling, sweet, first born son, has suddenly turned into an annoying, nagging, dirty child?? I remember the adoration I had for him when he first arrived. So sweet and innocent. Every emotion pure and unadulterated. My feelings for him were nothing short of blissful. And as the months and years (oh how few there have been!) went by I became more and
more in love and intrigued by this being I had created. His sweet, pudgy hands, exploring simple pleasures like grass and water.

I can pin point when it all changed for me. When Leo was born. And of course it doesn't take much to put two and two together. Up until Leo was born, Jack was still my baby. He still seemed to have those sweet, pudgy hands, and that beautiful innocence about him. The dynamic just was a certain way. And then Leo came. And suddenly I noticed all the dirt under Jack's fingernails, and the annoying big kid habits like nose picking, joke killing and the sudden inability to play independently at all. There are definitely still moments where Jack will do something totally sweet, or will spell a word or write something. And then I'm in total awe of him. It amazes me still that this thing was created by me (yea, yea and the husband) and that he now reads, and writes, and has friends, and is slightly weird, and funny, and sarcastic. But then I look at Leo, and I can't fathom that he will ever be this annoying, or stubborn, or smelly or weird.

So I guess this is just all a part of the journey. The ever evolving love we have for our children at their various stages of life. Becoming a mother of two has honestly been the biggest challenge I feel I have faced. It is just so...strange. I mean really, when I reach and grasp for words, all I can hold on to is strange. Chris and I still can not believe we can love this baby as much as we love and loved Jack.

Of course there are new and wonderful things to enjoy with Jack. And when he isn't whining, or screaming, or sitting in time outs, these things are so fun. Like riding bikes, or painting, or going on walks to Harvard Sq. with our friends. He can write things, like "I love Mom". And he goes to school where they put on Mother's Day shows, and do cool art projects. He comes home and knows the sweetest songs and these things melt my heart. I guess really I just need to pull myself out of the every day and back into the moment. To realize again how fleeting it is, and even in the most difficult times, where parenting just feels excruciating, all that love, that started almost 4 years ago, is still there. More intense, and different, and with much more depth and different layers. It really blows my mind to think how this all will change over the next 5, 10, 20 years.

KiwiPie Review: Part 2

OK, the KiwiPie's totally rock and I love them. But something a bit ridiculous happened. See, after I ordered my KiwiwPie's, my cloth diapering soul mate directed my attention to a kind of diaper by the name of GoodMama's. Wow, it was kind of unfair to introduce me to both diapers in the same week. I remember it like it was just yesterday. Tearing the USPS package apart like a wolverine and melting into the sweet puppy from the toilet paper commercials. I was totally enamored with the softness of the KiwiPie feeling almost guilty for putting him in it to shit.

But then my cloth diaper fairy sent me two GM's. First of all, my jaw hit the floor with shock. *tips hat to darling diaper friend* Now, onto the facts. One thing they fail to mention on their site is that putting your baby in one of these diapers is like wrapping their asses in teddy bear skin. This is pretty much the Cadillac of fitted cloth diapers. I had no idea that diapers could feel this way, or that I could feel this way about a diaper. The material is called Bamboo Velor. Did you just choke on your coffee? I almost did. Wait, so I'm supposed to let my kid pee and poop in this thing? And I have to cover it with a diaper cover?? If I had the money to really indulge my obsession, cloth diapering would no longer be a cost saving endeavor . It would be my mommy crack. I'd order a diaper a day. They are soft, fit well, and have yet to leak. note: these GM diapers do require the ProRaps I mentioned in my earlier review, despite Leo being pictured sans diaper cover!



I suppose the only complaint I could have, if I tried really, really hard, is the bulk. They are definitely, only a bit, bulkier than the KPs. I attribute this to the difference in fabric/material. Since babyL is already ridiculously large, I don't much notice the bulk. And they also take a bit longer to dry. I'm anxious to get something set up so I can dry outdoors more.

Until next time, when I have something more to say about this obsession of mine.

*Insert Witty Mother's Day Title*

Truthfully, I started this post in my head a few days ago. I was driving back from preschool pick-up and listening to some random song on the radio that had some affect on my postpartum, hormonal self. I started remembering back, a year ago. This week was the one year anniversary of us being royally fucked by UPS and also us finding out we were pregnant with L. And now, a year later, Chris is about to graduate from his technical school with a 3.9GPA and we are enjoying our much fuller family. I never thought we'd be here.

It's been a really hard year, and to say the hard times have passed would be naive. Chris still has to find a job, and I still have to spend the rest of my life raising two boys. But things don't feel so terrifying. I don't wake up constantly with a pit in my stomach fearing what's next. I am filled with hope and anticipation of our bright future. These two absolutely beautiful and joy filled children are in our lives, and my husband has found passion and drive, and I am just way too obsessed with being a mom.

I think though, that one of the best things that's happened to me in the past year, is that the hard work I've put into making mom friends has paid off. I know I wrote a whole post about this before, but I never really and truly realized how essential it is, as a mom, to have a good group of friends that are sharing in your same experiences. I feel so full. I have friends who have babies Leo's age, I have friends who have kids Jack's age, I have friends who have one kid, I have friends who have two. Some of these people I can tell are not fleeting. These are real friendships, with all the give and take, and support. People I can be honest with about not having bathed my kid for 3 days, and the truth that sometimes being a mom is just really fucking hard.

And let's be honest, enough books to cover the earth with their pages could be written about what it feels like to become a mom. So I won't waste my time even attempting to describe what it feels like to wake up every morning, to two beautiful humans, who love you in a way that literally no one else in the world does. That's why, for me, I am sometimes overwhelmed by the pressure to live up to what these kids expect. Every day is a challenge, and any mistake that I make, I wake up the next day determined to be better, to do better.



Well, I've been a mom now for almost 4 years, and now to two children. And on days like this, I just hope I'm doing a good enough job that my children, and my family, want to celebrate me.

Here's to all the moms! To my mom and my mother in law. To all my dear, dear friends who help me every day to be a better mother and a better friend and who continue to fill me up with knowledge, advice and most valuable, their precious time.

*cheers*

Four Months Already?

Things really start getting good. He's blowing raspberries, trying so hard to roll, even though his massive size prohibits this. He's so much more active, physically and verbally, chatting with us all day. I just fall more and more in love with him, and with being a mom of two. Cheers Leo.

You have to hate something

There has to be one thing, that as a mom, makes you cringe. For me, it's PlayDoh. In theory it's fantastic. And you always think that you can keep it under control, and not mix the colors and that it won't totally annoy you to see the rainbow of colors under your finger nails for practically a week. But that's just not ever going to happen.

PlayDoh will be messy. The colors will get mixed and you will be vacuuming tiny fallen PlayDoh soldiers for days.

Well, yesterday, Jack asked me so sweetly if I would play PlayDoh with him. How could I say no? I have a hard time with it, saying no that is, especially now that Leo is here and my time feels so divided and precious for each child. So, I let him get it out. I dumped out the little mounds of doughy goodness and let him go to town. I didn't even remind him once to keep the colors separate. I figure I better get used to multicolored balls now, so that when Leo is tossed into the mix, it's not so heartbreaking for me, or Jack. In fact, with the OCD that runs in this family, it's a wonder Jack even wants to mix the colors.

I guess I just felt good that I let go a little. I think it's important to remember that things like this are not a big deal. It's only PlayDoh!

KiwiPie Review: Part 1

Come along with me on my journey through cloth diapering.

As I've said before, I used BumGenius diapers with my first, and am now using them with Leo. I am totally smitten for cloth. I adore it's soft embrace on my baby's deliciously chunky booty. But fortunately (or unfortunately perhaps for my bank account) I have a good friend who dared to go beyond the BumGenius diapers and ventured into a world of the unknown. And damnit, she brought me along with her. So, I discovered KiwiPie diapers. And I think I'm in love.

So, let's break it down. Facts about KiwiPies: One size diaper. Bamboo. Fantastic. Covers required.

Thoughts: It was strange going from the BG's which are pocket diapers, to the KiwiPie's. They require a cover, but I just wanted to stare at Leo in his awesome diaper, so the first time I didn't use a cover. He wore it for about 1.5 hours and then needed a change, or so I thought. Consulted my personal diaper guru. Covers give you more time! Duh. The thing about KP's is, they are the insert. Lucky for me, I had some ProRap covers from diapering Jack. When I used the cover with the next KP, I got a good 2 hours out of it.

What I like: They are so incredibly soft. I wish there was a way I could have you feel them, because wow. I also like that I pretty much use one cover throughout the day, while just alternating the KP's. They are easier to maintain than the BG's because there is less fear I will disrupt proper absorption with detergent buildup or ruin the PUL. One last thing, they are SO trim. They are certainly no more bulky than the BG's.

What I'm still learning: Will these perform as well at night as the BG's? My BG's are still my go to diaper for a long period of time. But, I have only used the KP's for one day. And I am jonesing for more.

(and by the way, real men wear pink. woof.)