Wait a minute, did that just happen?

I admit that I've been ignoring a very large part of who I have become. The doula in me has been stifled over the past year. When I had the two miscarriages I just felt like I could not be around a pregnant woman, let alone support her adequately through labor and delivery. After having Leo and having my amazing, out of this world, water birth, all those feelings came rushing back to me. The passion was reignited.







Susan offered to bring me to the Partners in Perinatal Health conference, despite my not being able to afford it at all. It amazes me that I have friends like this now. I admit there was a time where I thought I was doomed to suffer alone with no interesting women, mothers, friends. So I found a way to make it work and off Maria and I went to Marlborough with babies in tow. And it was so incredible. For the last two years I have spoken with various women in the birth community through my online groups, but to put faces to the names was pretty wonderful. Of course there were two highlights that shone above the rest. One was hearing Ina May Gaskin speak. I felt like a total groupie, hoping she'd bump into me or comment on how darling Leo was. Instead, one better happened! As I was lying down eating lunch and nursing Leo a woman came in asking if anyone had a digital camera (I did!) and if anyone would be willing to have pictures taken of them side lying for Ina May's breastfeeding book. ME! I can't imagine that I'd actually end up in the book, but even the possibility is so exciting. I have an e-mail in my inbox from Ina May!!





And the second highlight was being featured in Susan's workshop.

She had asked if I would mind giving her some photos from Leo's birth that would help illustrate some points in her workshop. And of course for Susan I will do mostly anything. I didn't realize how emotional it would be to see the pictures up there. I don't think I can thank Susan enough, though I've tried, for helping me achieve the birth I had dreamed of. And I know I've said it before, but my birth experience was so incredibly healing. So anyway, to see it there as an example was pretty powerful. Not to mention all the women coming up to me telling me how beautiful Leo is and what an amazing birth it looked like.

Well, the 2nd, and final, day came to an end (the babies declared it so) and I headed out and back home. Chris was working and I was on my own with the two boys, more than utterly exhausted and emotionally fried. I felt much like I did after my doula workshop. Ripped from my safe community where emotional things are being thrust around like the little balls inside a lottery machine.

I can't wait for next year.